Managing Holiday Stress
The Holiday Season is a busy time. There is alot of pressure to cook a fancy meal, buy all the presents, do all the holiday parties and events. Many people are spending more time with family, which can be stressful in and of itself if the relationships with those family members are strained. If you are experiencing grief, the loss of a relationship, loneliness, illness, or if you don’t have a family to celebrate with, these months may be something you dread.
Some ways to care for yourself during this busy time:
- Try to stick to your everyday routines, even when faced with additional demands on your time. Go to bed at a consistent time, eat balanced meals, take medications, and keep appointments with your health care professionals on the same schedule you usually follow.
-Be mindful of comparison, just because your friend has energy to plan and or attend several holiday parties does not mean you need to. This can apply to the amount of gifts you think your children or loved ones need. Does everyone in your 30 person family need a gift? What loved ones really need most is to be seen and heard. Giving your kids and loved ones the gift of time and memories is priceless. Things come and go.
-Make time to spend time with people who are supportive and caring, even if they are not “family”.
Lastly: A Word on Boundaries:
As a parent, adult child, or sibiling you may feel obligated to offer your time, money, space, or energy without limitation.
Boundaries illuminate and challenge these unspoken expectations. Whereas before you may have been the resident people-pleaser or over-giver, setting boundaries changes your role in your family system. They enable you to prioritize your own needs and give at a sustainable rate.
Boundaries can protect your material possessions, your emotions, your physical space, or your spiritual beliefs. They are not “mean.” They simply draw a line between what belongs to you and what belongs to others.
As you prepare to have difficult conversations about boundaries, keep these four key principles in mind:
When we refuse to set a boundary, we prioritize other people’s comfort over our own needs. Setting boundaries is a courageous act of putting ourselves first. It’s a great way to break the people-pleasing habit and practice the art of self-care and verbal self-defense.
Difficult honesty is not unkindness. In fact, Brene Brown says it best, “clear is kind.” It’s not mean to stand up for yourself. It’s actually the most truthful and authentic way to interact with others.
You can manage your boundaries or manage other people’s feelings, but you can’t do both. The bottom line is, your boundaries might make people feel frustrated or resentful. That burden is not yours to bear.
Other people are not mind-readers. Don’t expect them to be. There is no shame in directly asking for your feelings to be acknowledged or your needs to be met. Even our loved ones need ongoing instruction in how to care for us because we are always changing—as are our needs and boundaries.
This holiday season, practice setting boundaries in your family to give yourself the gift of feeling joyful, peaceful, and empowered.
Sometimes, no matter how firmly you hold to your boundary, others will be unwilling to change. Perhaps you express that your brother’s toxic behavior is no longer acceptable to you, but he carries on anyhow. Perhaps you explain that you’re no longer willing to host the annual holiday party, but nobody else steps up to volunteer.
You cannot change other people. You only have control over your own reactions and behavior. Sometimes, you may have to choose between tolerating the unacceptable behavior or evacuating the environment (e.g., not attending the family’s holiday gathering, ceasing contact with a family member altogether, etc.)
Though deeply challenging, making the bold decision to evacuate a toxic environment is a phenomenal act of self-care. Support groups like Estranged and Thriving offer support and community to individuals who have had to make that difficult decision, and can be a wonderful resource this time of year.
If you are feeling ongoing stress, overwhelm, anxiety, or depression beyond just the holiday season, talking with a therapist can be supportive and helpful.
